A Bitter, Ironic Laugh is still better than crying, right?

Hope my masculinity survives this post >.>


Sometimes all you can do is cry, you know? There is just too big of an overflow of shit just going on. What do I do when I have to cry? I grab my Scotch and Water sans Water, I sit down, And I lose myself to the computer for a few hours in a good fanfic or blog. Just because I'm not crying on the outside, doesn't mean I'm not crying at all. I mean, Sure, life is depressing, but I haven't seriously all out bawled for nearly two decades (getting out of high school helped alot with that, damn that place sucked massive donkey balls.) It takes alot for something like that to happen. So yeah.



Here's a little story: Once upon a time, God spoke with Moses:

God: Moses, today I'm going to teach you about evolution.

Moses: Forsooth, God, What is this 'evilution'?

God: No no, Evolution; Its the method that people use to adapt to their surroundings.

Moses: God, Why do we have to adapt, why didn't you make the entire world the same?

God: Well, to begin with there is the orbit of the planet to consider.

Moses: The planet? whats that?

God: Its the ground. Anyway, the earth circles the sun, thats the star in the center of your solar system.

Moses: Whats a Solar System?

God: Its a collection of planets that circles the sun. Now the earth is spinning like a top while it goes around the su-.

Moses: Whats the sun's name?

God: What?

Moses: What is the sun's name?

God: I heard you the first time. I don't know, What do you want to call it?

Moses: Oh, I don't know, lets call it some Spanish name that I don't even know yet...Lets call it Sol!

God: ...good enough! Now, The planet Circles the sun spinning like a top, and at the same time it has to tilt back and forth, so that the entire surface of the planet gets heated evenly.

Moses: So why didn't you make the world spin like a perfect top?

God: Because I don't want to have to deal with you people forever, I set it up so that all the planets in this solar system will eventually spin off into the sun.

Moses: Wait, THIS solar system? You mean there are more?

God: THAT's what your worried about? Yes, there are billions upon millions of solar systems.

Moses: How many?

God: ...Your going to get annoying if you keep that up...Here, you see that beach over there? Yea? count all the sand...No No, not literally, that's just a figure of speech, there are as many as there are grains of sand in the sea.

Moses: Ooooh, that's kinda COOL! How do you make them? (Yes, Moses said 'that's kinda COOL', just like that)

God: Well, first I start out with a bunch of goop, then I scoop out a handful, mix a little water into it so that all the bits stick together right, then set it off to the side for later. usually takes me about a day to get the actual planets the way I like them, then I get a bunch of water, mix it with a little baking powder, got to make sure its mixxed up really good, then I put a GOD-Cell battery in the middle with a couple wires sticking out of either end and light it off, It should keep going, oh, for a couple hundred thousand years or so, so long as I don't forget to change the battery. after its nice and glowing, I get the planets that I made earlier, and spin them around the sun with all that tilt jazz I was talking about earlier.

Moses: But God, Why not make two suns, then both sides of the planet would have sunlight at all times?

God: Because then you would be fastbaked and I would be out of entertainment.

Moses: Wait, God, You said you didn't want to deal with us forever? Do you not love us God?

God: At this point in time, I'm about to make your sorry butt wander around in the desert for another fourty years so that I don't have to deal with you any more. HERE! THIS IS NOW THE WORD OF GOD! IT TOOK ME SIX DAYS TO MAKE THE UNIVERSE, YOU WERE MADE OUT OF DIRT!! you get all that? good, I'm not going to spend the next seventeen years covering what should have been pounded into your head at birth, I mean, me forbid I actually get you away from basic questions of the firmaments and on to evolution, your mind can't handle it. Hell, what happened with you, you were such a bright young lad, you were given the best education growing up, you had money, power, You were raised as the Heir to the throne! You should at least have some Idea of what I'm talking about.

Moses: I did not fare well in my studies, after all, math hasn't been seriously invented yet, my people are jobless for another three thousand years.


//Storytime

If you got a giggle out of this, even if there were tears running down your face, at least your now laughing about it. When you think about it, even the worst thing that can happen to you, its a pinprick compared to the horrors that are going on overseas. Carbombs on a daily basis, we the America 'liberating' the living shit out of other countries. Don't get me wrong, I support our troops, I just don't support the reason why we're over there. Anyone who thinks that the war on Iraq isn't responsible for our current gas prices, raise your hands now. Oh, one in the back? Dubya, get your hand down, you haven't had to pay for your own gas in fourty years, if that. Between the oil speculators, the inflation rate of the dollar, and opec raising the price of oil every time the white house jerks their chain, we all should start buying Horses, The New Clean Fuel!

~CB

Stupid little crotchfruit

You know, sometimes a cigar is really a cigar, and you shouldn't look any deeper than that. Today I sent a message to the wrong person on facebook calling kids in passing 'crotchfruit', doesn't seem like that big of a deal, right? WONG! I get messages from three different people chewing me out about how 'children are precious and should always be valued'. I CRY BULLSHIT! I can never have kids, do I want them? hell yes. I'll prolly end up adopting, but that doesn't mean that I will love them any less, or call them something other than crotchfruit. So long as I have to keep following this particular trio around the internet and cleaning up after them so that they don't get their identitys stolen, I don't want to hear any bullshit from them. When I can pull xif data from two seperate pictures, one off of 4chan and one off of their facebook account, and match them up, THEIR ATTEMPT AT BEING DISCREET JUST GOT FUCKED(On a side note, I have a set of four pictures with matching EXIF data on the off chance you decide that i'm so much of an asshole you want to get a restraining order. You would be suprised at how many printers connected to the internet there are in Ashland Kansas. I don't need your bullshit, You don't need mine, so GTFO my internet, I'd tell you to post tits, but you've allready done that.). I Don't care that you 'love' your kids, I have seen one too many little shitstains screaming and crying in mcdonalds, throwing their drinks half way across the damn store, throwing their shoes the other way, and their parent's are just 'looking around, laughing at the kid throwing the fit'. You know what would have happened to me if I had behavior like that? My ass would have been beat so hard I would have had problems sitting properly for a MONTH, and guess what? I'm a perfectly adjusted homeschooler, I socialize, I enjoy life, hell, I get along with people I've never even met and force them to like me, So you know what? If your not going to take care of your child, or figure out some way to disciplin him in public without getting arrested, then you prolly shouldnt have spawned the little demonic entity that people refer to as their 'precious babies'. Sure, Kids should be treasures for the future, but you also shouldn't become so protective of them that they cannot defend themselves when it comes to life in general. It took me a great many years after homeschooling to figure out how to get along with people, yeah helping to run the bakery helped alot, but I think that moving NINE HUNDRED FUCKING MILES AWAY FROM HOME helped me more. It forced me to network, to learn how to get along with people, and how to ignore bullshit. But you know, sometimes, the stupid little accidents just annoy me to the point that I give all the little buggers the same name: CROTCHFRUIT! If you don't like it, too bad. Am I bitter about not being able to have kids? You Bet! Will I Enjoy it? Even More! Maybe the next time you decide to send me a knee-jerk reaction you should think a little and not blow a fucking fuse, Or I might actually fight back. Don't get me wrong, I like the lot of you, but if your going to be stupid and send me knee-jerk reactions, I WILL NOT BACK DOWN!